as corny and copycat-ish as this feels to get off my chest, it really needs to be said right now
(why is this copycat-ish you ask? when i am around other people who experience similar shit, it feels like i'm somehow copying them even if i experienced it before meeting them!)
i've found myself missing certain people lately, people who i cared about dearly
people who i clung to despite their toxicity, who i centered everything i do around, who i wanted to be exactly like. i got into their interests even if i didn't care before. i wanted them to like me and keep me close.
maybe even crushed on a friend or two, though i'm not exactly certain what love feels like. an obsession as eccentric as this isn't love
everything always falls apart as easily as it is formed, though. we separated on bad terms. twice in one particular person's case. all because i have some shitty outburst at them silently or not, block them, and run away
but i'd be a goddamned liar if i said i didn't look back. i look back at them all the time and think about what could have been if i didn't act so childish. i yearn for my old friends
i want to reach out to them again so badly, say i'm sorry, try to get back on good terms. honestly though after what i did? i don't think they're going to forgive me and i won't blame them if they don't. and i just leave it at that, trying to contact someone who clearly doesn't want me around is not going to make things better for either of us
it's for the best that i let it be i suppose
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